One more step in our Journey!

(A few minutes after she was diagnosed, they put in an IV, which she of course hated, they put a diaper on the other hand to keep her from playing with the IV, that lasted about 1 minute before she pulled the diaper off with her mouth!)

This is a hard post for me and I have been avoiding writing or even thinking about what I wanted to write. Ironically enough this comes right after my last post in which I talked about affliction and how we all have to experience it to get to our happily ever after. As I read over now what was our affliction then I would give anything to go back to those being our biggest problems. We spent Easter weekend in the hospital with Kailie after we discovered that she has type 1 diabetes. Her blood sugar level was 387 and will be forever ingrained in my memory for that number changed our life and especially her life forever.

(Kai pretty much stole all of the hospitals toys and brought them into her hospital room to play. Notice her wing!)
These past two weeks have been tough to say the least but each day it has gotten a little bit better. Jared and I have each taken turns having break-downs and wondering why little Kailie was given this disease. At some moments I am at peace and think that everything is fine and then I think about the future and how she will never get a break from it, every meal or snack she eats for the rest of her life will have to be counted and accounted for with insulin. Even when she is sleeping the concern for her to drop is elevated.

(Showing off her winged arm. We were amazed how quickly she adapted to it!)

Everyone keeps saying that it will get better and get easier and I think that is true to some extent but it will never be fully okay, we will always worry about her especially when she goes to school and then becomes a teenager. Everything she does from playing at the park, to going out in the cold can change her numbers and that is so scary to me. I wonder how can she live a normal life but then I see my friends who have this same disease and they live normal active life's. In the hospital I just wanted to go back to the way things were before and now I think I have finally come to terms with the fact that it will never be the same but our goal is to make it as similar as possible.

(Finally getting the IV taken out!!)

The hardest thing for me personally besides the fact that I don't want my child to have any illness or hardship is that I feel as though I don't get to just be a mom anymore. I have so much enjoyed being a mom to Kailie, something that I didn't really expect before I had her. All the worries I had before as a mom have just gone out the window and I feel as though I have to spend all my time and energy worrying about how many carbs she is eating, if she is drinking enough, if I gave her too much insulin or not enough. It just comes down to the fact that I don't want to be a doctor and have to figure out how much insulin to give her and I don't want to be a nurse and have to give her shots, and I don't want to be a dietitian and have to count her carbs constantly I just want to be her mom and worry about all the normal things you worry about with your kids. I guess in time things will get easier and will become second nature for us.

Kailie has been pretty unaffected by everything thus far except the IV that had to be put in her at the hospital she is happy and seems to be feeling so much better than the few weeks before her diagnosis. One thing that I noticed then was that the house was staying really clean everyday which is not like Kailie at all, usually within the first 1/2 hour of the day she has managed to get into everything. Now she is back to her usual getting into everything self. She is happy and carefree and has no idea that she has anything wrong at all. She has done so great with the blood pricks and only whines a little when we give her shots. Her reaction to it all has been such a blessing for us, she always has been a great kid and I pray that she will continue to not be bothered with it all. I love and cherish these years that she will not know that she has this disease and will just be able to be a normal toddler for the most part. I wish she could stay innocent to this forever but our hope is that it will just be apart of who she is and she won't mind too much.

(Still our happy Kai, one week after Diagnosis at the ward camp out)

We are so grateful for the new technologies of today that make living with this disease easier and more comfortable and we pray and hope and will do all we can do to assist in the developments of new things that will make it even easier and better and perhaps even someday find a cure or at least a way to prevent others from getting it.

We have come to the realization that this is our life now and are so thankful for all the love and support from everybody. We know we have a long road a head of us and are so blessed to have everyone in our lives. We are especially grateful to Jared's mom Carolyn who came out here to help us with this big adjustment and even stayed longer than she planned to help me learn how to take care of Kailie.

We know that if we rely on the Lord he will help us through this new adjustment. We have already felt his love and peace and comfort and are so glad that we have his love and guidance in our lives.

So here's to another step in our journey!!