I am Woman Hear Me ROAR!!!

*The following is my birth story so if you don't like that sort of thing you might not want to continue reading and sorry it is so long I just wanted to remember it all!

I am pretty sure that the above saying came from Women giving Childbirth!! Before I begin my birth story I have to say that I chose to do a natural birth because I hate needles and I really didn't want an epidural. The thought of being numb really freaks me out. So to me the only other solution was to go natural. I didn't do it because I wanted to know what childbirth felt like or feel a connection with other women or feel empowered but after this experience that is Exactly how I felt. It was a truly amazing experience, very spiritual and very empowering!!

My labor basically started when I pulled down a stroller from the wall of the garage. Instantly I started to have contractions. That was Monday night and all that night I had them which meant I didn't get much sleep. They were not too painful and really spread out. The next day they continued and so I went in to get checked because I thought that my water might have possibly broke. Turns out it hadn't but when they checked me they stripped my membranes which my midwife believes is what really started my into my labor. That night my contractions were alot more painful and the next day I went in for my regular check up only to find out that I was official in labor. She sent me home told me to get everything ready and that  my baby was coming either that day or the next. She said to stay home as long as possible because laboring at home is much better and boy ain't that the truth. My contraction slowed down that day and so I really didn't feel like I was in labor but I spent my time packing my bag and stuff for Kailie, cleaning, doing last minute things I wanted to get done before the baby came and just spending time with Kailie.

Around dinner they started to get more intense and were about 30 minutes apart. I have to mention that in preparing for this birth I have been practicing relaxation techniques that I got from the book "Birthing from Within" which is an incredible book and I highly recommend. I love that it is realistic about birth, hypnobirthing claims that if you relax childbirth is painless which I personally think is crap. This book says hey childbirth is hard and it hurts but these techniques will help you cope with the pain better and they did for sure.

Gradually throughout the night they started coming closer and closer together so both Jared and I thought for sure the baby would come during the night. Before we went to bed, Jared gave me a blessing, and I have to admit that I was really hoping he would say something like this will be an easy and fast labor but instead he said that it would be hard and difficult but that I could do it and that I needed to rely on strength from the Lord. So I was a little worried after the blessing, the words Hard and Difficult just stuck out in my mind and I thought about them throughout the whole labor.

I have no idea how anybody can sleep when they are in labor? You fall asleep and then you have a contraction, it is more like torture. At two o'clock I finally got up and took a bath and then a shower and by that point the contractions were about 10 min apart but were getting really painful and I just couldn't handle the pain by myself anymore so I woke up Jared. I felt bad waking him up but I knew that I couldn't continue with out his help. He talked me through my breathing and rubbed my back since that is where all of my pain was. They started to come closer together and and were getting really intense. I learned that if I really concentrated on my breathing that it did make the contractions less painful. Also for me, I learned halfway through the night that I cannot stay in the same position for more than three contractions otherwise the pain would get too intense in my back.

Around 4 am they started to slow down again and so we went for a walk around the neighborhood which is supposed to help speed up labor but instead it seemed to slow it down and when we got back we were both exhausted we fell asleep for a few hours.  I still had some contractions but they were not that painful. They next morning they were back to being 30 minutes apart which was so annoying and defeating. It felt like I had been up all night and had not progressed at all. So we just went on with our day. Kai woke up and we ate breakfast, and just hung out. We took another walk, nothing really seemed to help and I was starting to get tired and wasn't sure how much longer I could continue. The pain was bad and I just kept thinking how much more painful are these going to get because I don't think I can handle much more pain.

Jared was so amazing through all of these. I was worried before hand because he really wasn't that supportive of my quest to do it natural but instead he kept telling me that I could do it and he was right there by my side for each contraction.

Once they checked me and said that I was only at a 5 I was feeling totally defeated and just felt like I couldn't continue much longer. The contractions were starting to come closer together and getting more and more painful. When we got to our room, immediately the nurse came in and wanted to strap me to the bed. I instantly felt like a Prisoner and was so mad that we came to that hospital. I knew the military hospital was supportive of natural birth and let you walk around, take a shower, whatever you needed. Here they literally were giving me no choice and I was really starting to freak out. I basically ran to the bathroom and just wanted to hide in there so they couldn't make me get in bed. All the while the contractions were coming closer and closer together and the nurse was really mean.

She came in and was asking us all the normal patient questions and I was literally starting to freak out, I just had a horrible feeling. The room was tiny and old and felt dirty. There was no windows and I seriously just wanted to run out the door and never look back. I asked the nurse to give us a minute and then I told Jared that I wanted to leave. I had been in labor for over 30 hours at that point and I didn't want to birth my baby and this hospital. It just felt so cold and uninviting. We called the military hospital again to see if they had any rooms open up and told them our situation they said we could leave if we wanted but it would be against medical advice and they didn't know if they military insurance would cover us at a new place, as we were discussing it I went to the bathroom again, and when I reached down to wipe I felt something coming out, it felt like a balloon and I knew it was my water. That is exactly what happened with Kai. Instead of breaking it is like the whole water sac tries to come out. So of course that ended the discussion of leaving. Jared was awesome because he really stood up for me to the Doctors and staff and was like hey we are doing this natural and she is not going to be continually strapped to the bed!!

At this point the contractions were becoming unbearable and only a few minutes apart. They brought in the anesthesiologist because they always have to come in to talk with you and while we were talking, I started having a contraction and I felt like I needed to push and something was coming out of me. I started yelling "Something is coming out, I need to push I need to push" at the same time I kept yelling I can't do this it hurts to much!! (in all of my reading for this, I have learned that once you get to the point where you say I can't do this anymore give me medicine that is when the baby is pretty much coming and in my case it was.)

They called in the doctor and they broke my water, finally at this point I laid down and the doctor told me it shouldn't be too long before I would be ready to push. She said probably a half hour or so but when the next contraction came I just started yelling " I have to push I have to push, something is coming." The pain was so intense during these contractions that I just had no control over my breathing or anything and I just kept saying that I couldn't do it anymore. The doctor or should I say doctors all came in, literally there was like 10 people in my room at least they were all women which helped. I asked them how I was supposed to push because I really had no idea. They told to take a deep inhale, hold my breath and push as hard as I could. Well when the next contraction came, I could do that for the first breath and one good push and then the pain just got  the best of me and I just ended up yelling the rest of the contractions first that I couldn't do it anymore and then once he actually started to come out over the next couple contractions I would just yell as loud as I could, GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU, DO JUST GET IT OUT!!

 Jared kept telling me that I had to push, they couldn't get him out without me pushing but I just felt like I couldn't push. It just seemed like I wasn't doing it right and there was no way I could hold my breath during those most painful contractions.

I am sure everyone in the rooms around me could hear me yelling, I think I had to push through 5 contractions and then he finally came out. Poor Baby, it definitely wasn't the most calm birth, he came out hearing his Mom scream GET IT OUT AND NEVER AGAIN, I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!!

Once he came out the pain was instantly gone. It was amazing!! They laid him on my chest for a few seconds and then whisked  him away of course.

Then came the worst part of the whole labor. The delivery of the placenta. I don't even remember delivering the placenta with Kailie but this one I will never forget. They started me on pitocin to help deliver the placenta and I will never let them do that again. Anyways it wasn't super painful pushing it out, it just took forever and I was already completely exhausted and then once it did come out it had torn or something and some of it was still in my uterus so this doc. came in and kept putting her hand up into my uterus and scraping it all out all the while she was pushing really hard on the outside of uterus. This was so painful! She continued doing it for at least 30 minutes and I wanted to kick her so bad!!! I was so mad, here I had just given birth and thought the pain was over, I hadn't even held or seen my baby yet really and she was causing me all this pain. Seriously was the worst pain ever. Eventually she finally got her hands out of me and I was able to hold McKean and just enjoy my new baby.

We ended up only being in the hospital about an hour when I started pushing so I went from a five to a ten in a super short time. We were both really glad that we didn't leave obviously because then Jared would have been delivering the baby in the car. In fact it all happened so fast that when it was over I touched my head and realized that I still had my sunglasses on my head.

I  think both Jared and I were pretty amazed that I actually did it naturally even if it wasn't pretty and according to the nurse and the docs, I  was the first natural birth most of them have ever seen which makes sense since they are clearly an anti-natural birth hospital!!

As the night went on and the next day I just really started to feel the empowerment of it all and the connection with the other millions of women who have given birth naturally. It truly was an amazing experience and although I swore while I was pushing that I would never do it again I think that I want to. I finally know exactly what to expect. I know how painful the contractions get and it was nice to know that they didn't really get any more painful as the labor progressed just closer together. I know how my body births and I loved how fast I recovered. I felt great the next day and have felt good ever since. I will just definitely make sure that I go to a hospital that is pro natural birth and with a midwife.

Coming home was really weird, where ever I went throughout the house I would think "oh I can't sit there, that hurts when I have a contraction or wow that spot was a good place." I just kept thinking that I was going to have contractions everywhere I went. I guess that is what happens when you have painful contractions for 4 days straight!

I truly feel as though I can do anything now and it is a very liberating feeling!! 

I am Woman Hear me ROAR!!